I am Chanel: The Journey Begins Here

I've spent the majority of my life being afraid. Afraid of the world, failing, being a disappointment to my father and afraid of going after my dream only to realize that maybe it was only just that, a dream. I was so afraid that my body, mind, spirt and soul succumbed to the imprisonment of severe anxiety. This anxiety was coming from personal issues I was dealing with. I couldn’t leave my house; I had no friends to talk to and I became misunderstood by so many people. I started distancing myself from the world because I was ashamed of how I thought people perceived me. I suffered silently, and I spent the last few years trying to be what I thought the world wanted me to be and trying to conform into my parents dream child. I believed this would cure my extreme anxiety and depression; but I was just leaving behind a dream that lived in my heart. I thought that would validate my existence; but it didn’t. In the midst of it all, I ended up losing myself and now I am left to figure out who I am, so I wrote an EP consisting of five* songs.

Although it is very difficult to tell your story in just five*songs, I am Chanel is my debut EP in progress that I spent the last few years writing to introduce the world to the artist that has always lived inside of me. It's an eclectic mix of original songs that explores multiple sides of who I am and who I want to be. This body of work will take you on an emotional rollercoaster. Each song is very different and stands on its own but as whole, the EP tells a story. One minute I am confident and flirty the next I'm singing about the pressures of Instagram and then suddenly I find myself reminiscing about Saturday cartoons. I am Chanel is filled with meaningful lyrics, heart, soul and it exudes my absolute love of music. It's poetically provocative, intimate and most importantly its authentic. I'm not trying to follow a trend, become the next big thing or sell you an image. I'm just being me, Chanelmarie: The girl in the little red dress and unapologetically a jazz singer.

This is why I sing.

I sing because I am able to find myself in the music; I'm strong, confident and happy. My mind is transported to an alternate universe that feels so euphoric and blissful. Music makes up for some of the things I lack in life, so I am always singing, writing lyrics and humming a melody to myself. These songs come fast and it's beautiful. I believe each song I write is a gift from God to soothe my soul from some of the pain I have endured in my life. Singing and songwriting is my escape that allows me to feel like I'm worth a damn. It makes me feel like I have something meaningful to offer in this world.

Music is a universal language I want to use to connect with people and build meaningful relationships. I no longer want to be the girl who sits behind a computer screen singing acapella songs for a few people. Although I am so grateful for those people who continue to show up for me because it gives me the strength to keep believing in myself. I want to create music that makes you feel, that tells a story, and that hopefully will stand the test of time. I can't do that behind a computer screen.

The journey

Attempting to become a professional singer is the hardest thing I've ever done. It has taken me on an emotional and financial roller coaster. I've spent years telling people that I'm an aspiring jazz singer only to have nothing to show for it. I thought if I kept saying it out loud that eventually I would be a jazz singer. I've taken classes on and off only to let my self-esteem get in the way, purchased a bunch of recording gear only to realize that I know nothing about being a producer; I'm just a singer songwriter. I've scoured the internet for answers about how to record professional music on a budget and I've met a few cool local artist and musicians who have given me advice on how to get started as a singer. I spent a lot of time looking for answers, validation, a clear path to jump starting my career, and budget friendly options only to still be in the same spot I was 5 years ago. Looking back on all of this, I've realized that I need to be consistent, patient and humble because this career path is not for the faint of heart. My heart may be made of glass, but I've spent too much time being afraid and it has gotten me nowhere. So now, I'm closing my eyes, holding my breath and jumping into the deep end and praying to God that I do not drown.

I'm letting go of all of my self-doubt and I am allowing myself to be authentic and unapologetic hence the EP I Am Chanel. For now, feel free to listen to a few demo songs I recorded at home and follow my journey creating and releasing my debut EP, I Am Chanel.

xoxo

Chanelmarie Brooks

*At the time of this post the EP is five songs but that could change.